is a beautiful wedding. and christmas!

i have a friend who is getting married soon, and she is just one year older than me.

she was more of an acquaintance, we only worked for less than 3 months together, in different department some more. which means to say, she is really very outgoing/friendly!

i like.
cos you know, i don't take initiative to make friends anymore.
haha.

we kept in touch on and off, mostly off. haha. but i have absolutely nothing against her. which is rare for me. :P And since she was in my uni too, but graduated the year when i enter, she gave me all sorts of advice, told me who i could call if i need friends etc. such stuffs.

so i think she's a good friend. i mean, when she say 'let's meet', we really meet. she really mean what she says, and keeps her promises, even though they are small little stuffs. And i like it too! :)

Anyhow, i'm just really happy that she's getting married! i know that guy too, sort of. haha.  we all work together for that short period. and i don't know.. few people get married before 24, and  people who do must be because of some kind of reason right? but whatever the reasons are, i just feel happy for her, for them :) i think she deserves a happy marriage. i know they love each other and that's the best and most impt thing for a couple, right?

hehe.

okay. i'm kind of just happy to see happy people/couple get married. :D ok, mental note to myself to meet her up when i'm back in SG!

 -------------


honours research was pretty tough. i'm a little struggling. but i know i can do it if i put in more effort to read up and such. but ahem, at least i am proud of my lab skills. hehe. :D training in micro really paid off i think! though i am still not very aseptic cos' my broth got contaminated just the first week, haha!  but it's useless because i keep doing the wrong things, load the wrong antibiotics, streak the wrong colony, forgot to put in my bacteria etc.

ermms..

haha. ok, ya.
busy busy year ahead!

can you believe, 2010 ended just like that?

while.... a year ago, 2009, it was a really bad year for me. and i'm glad that 2010 turned out a bit kinder, but still.. maybe because 2009 was too dreadful. nothing can beat that, so i had very low expectations.

i'm going to miss cny, and so i wouldn't know if 2011 would  be a good year for me. i don't usually listen to them anyway. sure, i will notice in the first few months, but i don't hold on to that thought throughout the year, whether it's gonna be good or bad. hmm.. maybe only when things turn bad, i blame it if i remember. haha.

ok, how i digress!  tsk. tsk.


i was saying.. i was making my New Year's resolution last month (yeah i start early, haha!), but then i realize that i didn't expect much this year (because last year i didn't make any resolutions of my own). and i am quite happy with how things went.

even though i was angry/upset/disappointed about some stuffs in the beginning, first half of the year rather, i felt a teeny weeny lil' bit better because i didn't expect anything and just let things be.

what i mean to say is, it could have been worse, that's all.
i could have been all twisted and damaged again, turned evil..
but i didn't, or at least not a lot!

So, though i kind of have a list already, I'm just going to make it a guideline (haha!). no time-limit, and just do my best lor. so stressful! it always happens, at november when i realise i haven't met my resolutions and my quickly try to salvage my list. depressing, really, when the last day of the year looms and the list looks like it has never been touched.

so, free-year ahead!
sounds good to me. you?

heh heh. x'mas is here. *smells the air*
And lovin' it.

they have Christmas break here ok! not long, but at least it is 10 days! not 1. and i love Christmas season! (again, no expectations no expectations...)

ho ho ho. under the mistletoe.
(have you guys heard lady gaga's christmas tree? it was damn funny, and wrong. and then it became irritating.)

fala lalala lalala lah~~


can't wait to graduate!!!!!

of lab coats and covered shoes. and rain (T.T)

nervous!
it's like first day of work all over again.
except now i learn to be less-friendly, less punctual, and maybe less spontaneous.
ai ya everything also less lah.
which i wonder if it's good or bad!
i mean it all sums up to 3 words, "what's the point"

some people don't deserve it, so i'm really sick of being nice and then feeling disappointed all the time from people i care and expected a lot. ermm. i'm guessing everyone have had at least this feelin' once in their life by now. everyone's unique in some ways you'll never fathom. so imma be selfish and i don't care!


it's really difficult not to care too also right? :/ which means it will all end up the same.
"just be as happy as you can and not let anyone bring you down, or define who you are. "

hmm. it's not me talking.
weird!
must be the rain.
it has been raining all week and it's making me so moody!  :/


it's just good that there are many Singaporeans around the lab. say... 70%? :X and everyone knows each other by some friend, or friend-of-friend connection kinda thing. haha. interesting.

Cold feet

I'm really really having a blank mind now. The day before my exam. Reallllly freaking out.

I thought the exam was at 8am tmr, turns out it's at 2.30pm, thanks to xc for checking it. And then at that instant i thought of all the 'what ifs'.

What if i looked at the wrong date and the exam was alrd over?! I would have ruined all three of us. What if tomorrow i'm still having thia mental block? What if i choked on the paper tmr?


Eight essay questions!!
Sucks. Big. Time!
Im really freaking out!
it's going to be the worst exam. Ever!
oh no..
What's happening.... :(

daily life.

two days. and i only wrote 2 pages of the marketing proposal.
seriously, i can't do business. :(
i mean i can easily do up a 2 page science report in a day.
it won't be perfect, but at least i can vomit something out.
this is disastrous.
it's like bulimic.
i try but nothing's coming out.

bleah.

----


i have this housemate which i kind of dislike.
he's like a 5/10.
and he has been a 5/10 for the past few weeks.
but of course living under the same roof requires me to see him everyday.
Anyway, he's a 5/10, borderline.. I won't be nice, but I won't be nasty to him either.

but then recently he has been fucking rude lah!
I mean if i wake up in the morning and i walk into him at home, I'll at least greet him "morning"
If he comes back and walks past the living room and i'm in the living room, I'll say "hi"

it's not even nice. it's just basic courtesy and simple manners.

wtf. this 5/10 ignores me everytime!
fucking retard right!
i thought only girls have pms.

the world is turning around.
girls are turning to men,
boys are turnign to women.

and apparently, maturity doesn't comes with age.
or so i've learnt.

i'd love to talk about all the childish nonsense that he do all the time.
but hey, it's a great Sunday here.
i'm just pissed cos he just did his usual 'stunts' again.
and his story is pretty much the same with all immature/childish boys.
yeah. it's like history repeating.

boring.

how come only girls get to grow up but boys don't?
so unfair.

P.

i am the greatest procrastinator of all.

i can't believe i procrastinate my marketing assignment from xiucheng's birthday, until my bday.

that's two weeks.
i'm quite screwed.
cos i just saw my exam timetable and it's only one month away.
and i've still got 2 major proposal untouched.

siao.


just two weeks ago i was planning on a getaway for monday. or sunday.
say.. i planned on going this far away. hypothetically.
<-------------------------------------------->

i've almost finished planning 80% of it. how to get there, how to get back.
i even checked all the timings of the trains and buses.


then just 2 days(or 3 days) ago, i figured i probably should go somewhere nearer instead.
faster, easier, safer..
so it became
<----------------->
this far.


and just 2 hours ago, i think i would probably just end up in the city or smth on monday.
how am i suppose to go so 'far away', and relax, knowing that i have this huge pile of assignments which i'm suppose to complete..?!

this far now
<-->
:/

omfg.

i think i'm easily stressed

doing up my powerpoint slides. have been on it for the past 5 hours and it's not done. Sigh. I remember I used to be able to finish doing powerpoint slides in one hour. I guess this superpower went away with age as well:(

Kinda stressed up with the assignments, presentations, reports piled up on my table, and in my brain, mids-exams coming soon and the notes were forgotten, and I haven't started searching for my honours project! sigh sigh sigh.

My room stinks, ugh! and i'm tired...  :( and maybe a little hungry. but more tired. quite hungry. And sleepy, and tired. but need to finish my slides. :/  journals have taken over fb or blogs lately, they're more interesting anyways, lately. sigh.

sian to the half-max.

is this what i love?

I

need an expansion pack for my brain!!
extra ram and processor will help too.

gosh. nothing's going in.
nothing.

:/

love for science.

I can't stand myself sometimes..

I attend my genomics lesson, i feel like having my genome sequenced, seriously! don't you want to know your own genome? like how similar or different are you from your parents/siblings. it's the ultimate true personality, 'who are you' test, isn't it? Why you have brown hair, why it changed from black to brown.. why you get pigmentation easily.. At this particular allele you have the same gene as your sister, etc. They give answers, instead of predictions like fortune tellers do, isn't it?

And then amazed at how everyone is essentially mutants, mutated human beings. How easily a single nucleotide polymorphism [(SNP) think A-T-C-G], can change your life, or not at all. Look at all the disease associated just because of one single change in the nucleotide in your entire genome. How you are actually susceptible to mutation (due to horrible sun!) and get away with it, wasting time and life away. And when you finally got cancer, you regret, "i should have stayed indoors!", or "i'm dying.. i should have had more fun"..

And then you attend immunology lesson, you understand how important your skin is as a protective barrier. How you're again bombarded with horrible viruses and bacteria, all the different mechanisms your body has and how your body is fighting for you and your life every single second, without you even knowing. (am i appreciating life or what? haha). You study all the thousands of diseases and wonder why you're alive.

They say humans are programmed to survive, how true!

And then immunisation and vaccination, I get awed by the persistence of scientist and researchers on clinical trials and research. More than 15 years, participation from thousands of women, billions of dollars used, just to get a HPV vaccine (against cervical cancer) for the human population (save the world?). And the possibility of the clinical trial failing at say year number 14, you go back to being NOTHING. It's like a businessman losing his company painstakingly built for years, and a researcher losing his baby research project painstakingly worked for. All the pcr waiting time, research, labwork, all the paper work put in, all the fundings you had to find, all the people who worked hard for the project.

Respect.

And then you wonder why you're attending the lecture and feel insignificant in life...


---------------------

Remind myself not to be the overprotective parent who visits the doctor over a sneeze. no panicking over cough, sneeze, etc. let the antibodies and t cell do their job so they have memory b cells so that they do not not fall sick every other day over some minor bacteria in the future. I don't mind if its say some nasty bacteria, but no way are my kids gonna fall sick because they can't even protect themselves against environmental pathogens.

If i ever get kids per se...








I feel very geeky, like revelation. haha. Sorry! school-life. :)

The story of the centrifuge.

You spin my head right round right round... when you go down when you go down now.. 


another song that gets stuck in my head.

We were singing this while waiting for our tubes during centrifugation.
Haha.

Mad.


You spin my head right round right round... when you go down when you go down now.. 


we were all thinking centrifuge btw.


You spin my head right round right round... when you go down when you go down now..



did i mention i just failed my bioinfo.
F(*Y&$@*^2?/';!$@*K


You spin my head right round right round... when you go down when you go down now..

Living in a Big Bang Theory world

haha. :)

This is one eff-ing long sentence.

Three missense mutations involve highly conserved cysteine residues within (C114R, C131Y, C162W) the DBD and two further nonsense (R357X) or frameshift/premature stop (FS315X) mutations truncate the receptor within the central part of its LBD (Figure 1A), predicting loss-of-function of the mutant proteins.

外婆 75 咯！

Ah.. today was the first time I met seokhui. unexpected. And she's sooo pretty i think :) funny how she talked about our teachers and then reminded me of my school days hate for 华老师. Should have drawn the red prawns and put in her pigeon hole also. I still dislike her after so many years. HMMMMF! Secondary school days are so fun.

Minus the studying part.


everyone's growing up. Babies are almost one week old already. Eating, drinking like normal pigs. grandmama is another year older, but getting fitter and fitter day by day.


oh shit. forgot to register marathon. bye bye.


****************
[I THINK]

OH ya. I just read xx's blog and found out that there's really gonna be a lawsuit! WA LAO eh another idiotic meh meh sheep. She's just the kind of people who wants to cheat and then act pitiful after being caught. "BUT whyy~~~ can't you just let me off? other people are doing it too!! hmmmmmfff" in the ultimate teh-est voice. And who was the one saying "you of all people should know that stuffs on the internet are always fabricated etc." Like, hello? look who's talking.


Not like people are interested in it anymore. See people have already continued writing their entries, don't bother bout it because people can decide for themselves what they wanna believe what they think is bullshit. and she's still stuck there wimping away because people are bullying her. surgery then surgery la! if it's real no matter what she says it will be real. so now, what does it show?

ugh! sheeps. and those people who supports her are probably the people who.. hmm...likes wang xin ling? Can't sing, and definitely can't dance, not pretty (in my opinion). Really 靠脸混口饭. but hey, Third album already lor.. see? People are always paying for entertainment. She's just like a child. I think she should move on, whatever she's doing with her life that is.

Couldn't have been a better time

Exactly two years ago...



One year ago...



And just make a guess how long ago was this. OH MY~



I do miss those times where we work like hell for one report. Accomplishment. But seriously, I don't remember a single report that I've done already. It's so pointless to ask me to do reports. I'll forget it in time. Do you guys still visit PUBMED?????!


delete. delete. delete.
To those who didn't stay..

And today I went to collect my dip.

what a total sense of satisfaction I got. Glad. Overwhelmed. And my mind just went blank for a sec the moment I saw our teeny weeny names on that teeny weeny book. It's just....


We've graduated, or names are inside the book baby...


even though we skip classes,
hated our teachers (or rather I hated the lecturers),
hated our boring lessons (like that stupid gococo or smth lesson).
we managed to graduate.
we have graduated.



Sigh.
I guess that's a sigh of relief. :)


I know I might be a bit late for this, especially when the grad ceremony was long over. I regret a little for not attending it and celebrating it with the classmates who have been through with me for these 3 years.

But then again. I know I will never forgive myself for the rental of the robe/ gown/ orwhateveryoucallit. The expense and inconvenience for a clothing! And I'm only wearing it for less than 3 hours. And I'm not that rich to BUY it cause sp is a sucker (for money and talents) and I'm not going to waste my hard earned money for all the nonsense that sp have up its sleeves.


So anyway, I have decided today that I will be going overseas and study. Two years from now. Together with kiong. Work hard in my job and save up for my tuition fees for uni, or half my tuition fees, or better yet, maybe if I work hard enough I'll get a scholarship from my company when it expands...CHHEEERS!! I'll study my science and oh my darling can study vet/marine biology/anything! And we'll live happily ever after in our perfect life. =))))) OKOKOK?


I have been having this dilemma of whether or not to get a degree, and what course, what kinda job I'll get next time, FOR THE PAST 6 MONTHS. and to be honest, I still can't point out the exact one. I'm so interested in Microbiology right now because of my job, and I hate to say this but I think a Microbiologist sounds very cool. So I like it.

And I know I'm never going to beg down on my knees and study (cry) my way up in local u and by the end of it I'll prolly have my hair all turned white, or worse, GONE.



Not for you maybe, buy yea, I totally bow down to the education syst here. And there's no microbiology degree over here, BOOOOOO~ oh, actually, let's count how many course i get to choose from! life science, biological science, that's TWO! while.. pharmacy isn't something i can just CHOOSE and go into here right.


Lets just say, i want a peaceful way of getting my cert. And it's not like overseas cert are easy to get anyway (you still need to study hard and adapt to your new environment and still sit for the exams), but I just hate hate hate hate hate the syst here and i need a change, before it gets stuck in my head that all lecturers (Indians) can't and shouldn't teach.



So anyway, it's just a few few few few (actually alot) more days to pay day! and i can finally spend all the vouchers Jermaine gave me, FINALLY. Nicole I'm going to call you out for shopping soon! ;)


So much for saving up money for 2 years later. =X


I know, totally NOT connected.



p/s: work is starting to get so tough. I'm so afraid of making mistakes, because a life, a person's happiness, or even an entire family's livelihood might be at stake. And I can afford to be the culprit of some one's disappointment. buck up. buck up. BREATHHEEEE....

study break

this was the first time, in all the 6 semesters, I finally got my study break. Monday was my last day of school where I sat for my Agrotech quiz and also my CSW roleplay. Both turned out pretty sucky and it was a terrible and irritating day. I thought Agro was frightening (haha.. i guess it's true for some of us), and then when I went for the role play it was a total disaster fo me cause I really don't understand the paper and didn't know what I'm supposed to do. And I am feeling soo soo soo sooooo bitter after that cause I didn't get to fail her for the student feedback. ARGHHHHHH!

Bleah. "could have been better."



So that's for the last day of school.


Immuno exam is in 6 days and I've not started yet. So many other things to take care of and after exams won't be any better with all the spring cleanings schedule already up for me to do (boo hoo!!) and the last minute shopping for CNY with no money again!


Hmm.......



Yesterday I was chatting with kiong and I was telling him about my secondary school life, like entirely, for about 3 hours! Like how I almost took half chem/phys cause I hated chem.. How i hated my chinese teacher and what she said when I got my A2 (i still hate her).. How I always failed by Add Maths.. How lichang was on a diet and we accompanied her to eat fruits (=)).. and our KL trip (wahahhaaha... ermmmhm...), my physics teacher, principal, how i met liting kailin siyi... and then how we had to clean and wash our class rooms cause our walls were filled with our shoe prints LOL..


it all seem so old and rusty already..
sad.
but I was glad I brushed them up.
hehe. =D


Alright! I'm going to start with Ms chan's notes today.
:) Ms chan is such a fantastic teacher. I dunno why I didn't like her before :(

22

that's the number of days left till the last day of exam.
what should we all do on the last day?
thinking bout it just makes me HAAAAAPPY.

but its kind of sad when we graduate you know.

everyone around seems to be so eager to go into uni (or maybe army too?) and get their degrees and honors, and I wish I could be so enthusiastic bout it too. I'm..... sick and tired of studying my life out. hate looking at those notes that sucks my brain dry. Bluaks. start learning bout love and humanity instead peeps!

Which means to say, I am going to work! :)
Which i can proudly say actually, I am quite eager to find the perfect one. Enjoyable.. challenging.. non-politics..
perfect.

Yea, actually it is the pay I get from it that will determine how happy I will be, LOL. And yes yes... Hard to find jobs ah.....


Hm.. and Jermaine just told me she might be going overseas to study too, just one year of study to get her masters with her adv. diploma cert. And I told her to go ahead. Well.. really good for her right? :( I'll really really miss her, ONE YEAR LEH! :( And I'll be stuck alone at home. no more sister to lend me a shoulder, no one.. no one no oneee.....


AH! anyway, I just hope everyone just get what they want in their lives. But know what you want first la. A short-worthwhile-life is better than a long-boring-life I think! My boring life is nice too actually haha. I've always been stumped at this question on what I want in my life. For 19 years man. And lately, thanks to all the "what do you want to do after poly ah" questions from everyone, I realised what I want....... is a family.


Yes, A BIG FAT HAPPY FAMILY.


maybe not in the near future... still a long way to go i guess. but since a long long time ago I've been just dreaming of what my family would be like next time and stuffs. And I think I just want to complete it by making them come true one day (I think kiong is going to freak out after reading this=( ), and yes a perfect one too. :)

beautiful I think. :)

you know people keep saying that good life comes from your studies (education would be a better word actually). better grades for better jobs and better life. And I know everyone must have had the feeling of "dunno study for what, next time also won't use..." (as in GMP to be specific). Yea... why am i studying so hard for, my goal in life doesn't require a Masters or PhD cert.

Yea.. maybe some day I will have the motivation for study again. we'll see... but right now, waiting for weekends and holidays seem to be the reasons why I am living my days, and completing my diploma is why I go to school for.


I mean it is not even lazy or what that I don't study. It's just.. what's the point. and I don't think studying so much will help. The reasons for studying isn't right. It's like studying to have good jobs instead of studying cause' you LIKE IT.


It's weird, everything is weird.


and i can't seem to study for the quiz tmr.. ONE THICK notes.. and many many many many many to memorise. It's such a chore!


********

You know I had this dream...I met myself in that dream, as another person, someone invisible maybe cause I dunno either (no mirrors in dreams, haha. can't see myself). Can't rmb much after that, just the gist of it. But it seems interesting.

What do you think you will feel if you met yourself on the streets? would you like her? would you think she's ugly? would you think she's a bimbotic bitch who walks like a duck? would you hate her...


I think I hate myself, sometimes...
(the sentence applies which every place you put the "sometimes" at)

yea it's not exactly a holiday, everyone knows that

Finally! our long waited break from school and I am so glad. I'm almost done with season one of Heroes, just the last episode =D Not bad actually, can't wait to watch season two after that, but I still think Prison Break is nicer, more..anticipating kind of feeling. There are just waaayyy too much heroes in Heroes, er.. yeah.


Oh, forgot to mention that kiong passed his driving already! Actually that happened 10 days ago on the 3rd haha. was so busy with my presentation and reports :(

And talking bout presentation ah, we didn't get selected for the distinction award=( maybe our that ERRRHEM didn't even help by nominating us in the first place. But whatever la, with this kind of project supervisor I'll be just sooo happy if i get a B lor. Which is so maddening cause it is 8 credit points for FYP! >:(


After so long, I really miss hanging out with my friends. Just wanna see that their okay, return liting's cd... siyi's clothes.. hm, I borrow alot of things huh? =P Okay lah, maybe nobody will miss me haha. just my one-sided feeling. I just want to get away from school. My life in sp has always been so sad..


and.. i'm going to wash my clothes now. bye.



shit i can't rmb my new password for sch's accounts. dammit.

BUZZ..

busy lah.

hate it when I have so much things to do, and then headache suddenly comes out of no where, making me feel so tired and sleepy. Nothing seems to be going well for everyone. Whole air around feels so suffocating and moody. Competitive smell, ahh....


Was in school early in the morning to continue the prac frm last thursday. Realised that one column of well was pretty much empty. Feels so screwed up when doing the prac, cause you might not get anything with nothing incubated. Of course, possibility that the solutions got dried up, but yeah... like a box of chocolates, you'll never know whatcha gonna get. sucks.


Was late for xu lesson.
one word : pissed.

hello? time table we arrange one is it? you think we like to be after 03 for ur lesson is it? you think we want you to repeat the whole lessson again for us it? you think we like it? is it is it is it!?
I mean, you have your own character problem, impatient, hot-tempered, don't make it sound like it's our job to accomodate you can? Not like it's our fault that you had to repeat the lesson again for us, so it doesn't help that you teach at a speed that no one can follow as though we have learnt it before but just because you taught the lesson to ANOTHER CLASS just before us. tmd, today damn pissed with him when i was constructing the molecules. amd then suddenly he just went off when nicole haven't even hand up the worksheet.

BRRoAAAH!!
our fault?!
tmd tmd tmd you..


and if you haven't learnt over the years, when a woman is angry and pissed, you should never ask for any favours or help ALRIGHT. maybe exceptions to of course people special to me la. But you should know man, linda is 六亲不认 when she's angry.


maybe i'm stressed up too.
hate it when i'm inefficient, can't work.
like i'm useless.


Hopefully a bath will work it's magic!

oh btw Enchanted is a pretty cute movie, =)
I know, busy and I still have time for movies right. But it has been ages since I stepped into a theatre leh. Always feel that pinch when I know I can watch it from *ahem*, some where else soon, hah.


tata.
takecare everyone.
;)

back from school

Woah this is the earliest time that I got home from school ever since fyp started. Except of course not counting the days when I pon-tank lessons and stayed at home lar. skipping school is really damn shiok I think.


and now that i'm home. i need to finish up my fyp report now. Can't believe that week 8 is here. :) and after that, after the presentation... life man.. ultimate.


think i'm going to play isketch first before starting on fyp. hehe. addicted. =P My username is applemango, don't use hor, see me must tell me haha.. I am not a newbie there anymore!! wahahaa. promoted leh. =P

studying

Guess what time I slept?? 4.30A.M.!
Had to redo one whole section of the report cause my friend didn't put it in past tense. I don't know why, I was a little pissed. This is the nth times were have been doing report and he doesn' know that procedures supposed to be in past tense??? He was asked to redo the whole materials & methods cause it was wrong, but now it is still wrong. Don't know what else to say except hopeless..

So I think I better redo for him. Today due leh! And so in the end I didn't study much for the quiz today but I still slept at 4am. Haii. I can't be bothered, I am sooo tired.. Cannot skip drE's lesson cause i need to ask him bout my fyp. I quite like studying early in the morning.. I like the quietness of it. The cooler weather. The I-am-all-alone-but-everyone-is-at-home feeling. Hehe.

Argh.. Still have only half an hour more to go before school. I really really really cannot be bothered to study at allll!!!! sian sian sian. Blog when I am back from the quiz. Haha.. god bless me.


p/s.: I just killed a fly with my hands! Ewwwwy... But man, I am getting good at slapping flies every since my fyp lab is at the agrotech lab. Killing all those mosquitoes can train me to kill flies ah.. woooo.... O.O