It hasn't been an exciting year for me in general, but then again, I don't remember having any exciting years before. And I don't think the severely bad year before counts as exciting...
Highlights of 2012! Lets see......
The BTO process.
Sometimes things happen so naturally that I didn't know that I had to make a big deal out of it until it's too late. I mean, who else will I marry?! Like I didn't know we would be getting a flat some day. Like I didn't know we would always have each other. Like I didn't know he would be the father of my kids if I ever have them someday. *rolls eyes*
Ok I mean things happen. We fight we argue we cry and we want to kill each other some times... But at the end of the day... You know.
He's the one that keeps me sane and insane.
So yeah, we finally got around to "BTO" earlier this year on their first launch. I don't even remember exactly how it happened, but it did. I can be SO blur like that. Gah! And it was only subsequently where we signed our lease agreement where I realized i probably did just signed my life away this year. That was the singapore's context of "getting married", right?
And then suddenly "getting married" became a really really really REALLY sensitive topic for me to talk about. Must there really be a formal proposal? Must it? Must I really have to, gots to, get married formally, banquet and all, to have a happily-ever-after?
I get that, to a certain extent, that a marriage is about two families, not just the two of us. But is that what a marriage is about? To make EVERYONE ELSE happy? To fulfill everyone else's expectations at the expense of us and possibly our marriage? To spend on a ridiculously expensive dinner that only benefits the hotels/restaurants. Everyone knows the money goes to the hotels and restaurants right? Not to the wedded couple or their families. Even if you don't feel my pain, I feel your pain for giving money to them okay.
But wedding, or not, wedding is no marriage.
Will I look back twenty years later with regrets at my no-wedding marriage, or will I look back at how much we've missed out because of the money we spent on the wedding? No matter how I see it, we get regrets. So why bother right?!
Stressed already.
The job.
The only distraction I got was my job, the second biggest thing for me this year I guess, and how I am slowly turning back into this mean, angsty and skeptical me from before AU. You remember her...
The first three months were horrible now when I think about it. Most of the people in this place were unwilling to teach and were just constantly waiting for me to make mistakes. I should have known better then, but I didn't, I just thought that was just the way it is. Until a new staff came and I saw it from the outsiders' point of view on their teaching process and I realized how mean they have been. Blood bank is no joke.
They didn't really care much when I had an accident (oh yeah I cut my hand earlier this year when I tried to catch a chopper that fell off my kitchen counter which resulted in a 3 day MC on my second week of work).
They weren't very interested in how I was coping in this new environment. I was only a form of their entertainment, not a colleague or a friend the least.Of course I am not a baby so there's really no point whining about it, just suck it up right?!
So of course, didn't know when it was my birthday, they made me work all the time when there were department outings (walks, runs, promotion dinners, etc), whenever they needed someone else to work when they are lazy or have better things to do. But I guess it was just the fact that they kept making me work my ass off for them and taking advantage of me that really pisses me off.
So when my only friend there decided to leave for her studies in Germany, I had no reason to stay anymore. Ugh you should have seen their faces when I told them I didn't want this job. Why would I?! And yes, finally! I have an inkling that they realized how badly they treated me and they have no rights to ask me to stay. Some of them.
I mean, they probably are not like that, or they probably are, I don't even know. But that was how they made me feel, unwelcomed. which means they have totally zero empathy and compassion. Nothing they do now can make up for what they did (or did not do).
I mean, I am young and reckless, I get to do these crazy things NOW and change things. And not five or ten years too late.
Yes, I have decided to leave my job. Not leave per se. It was ONLY JUST a contract after all (exactly what they told me). They didn't even thought of letting me stay initially.
So... Let's not even make a big deal out of it actually.
Which makes me wonder, what do I like doing? Do I really have to work for someone else my entire life and just always have to hate the people that I work with? Will I always be unhappy whenever I work?
I am starting to doubt my love for science. I can not do so much for you Science, maybe you should do something for me for a change.
I turned twenty four.
Ugh, do I feel so unaccomplished in life.
Went to Langkawi this year for my birthday. So memorable, not in a good way.
And then there was the saga of my two good friends.
Used to. (Damn everything seems to be "used to" now). But it's none of my business lah, I do not want to interfere and I'm not in a position to tell them to do the right thing. They should know better, is all I can say.
I wonder if I will still remember what i was writing about in years to come.
See what I mean when I said I am slowly turning into this old sad and sappy woman already?!
Thanksgiving.
(you know, in case I 'll never get to say it)
But despite all that, they are the same things that I am really thankful for too.
I mean, expectations are good. They are what sets the standard, what's done normally, and you get a general idea. And then you decide if you want to be like them.
I am thankful for my job. Some people have none, and here I am picking on my job. And I know it's normal to hate your job. It's not a job if you love doing it, ey? ;)
I am grateful for him. I think I probably bullied him a lot, all in the name of fun. But he does that too, so I am not sorry (hmmmf!). But I am thankful for him, for sticking with me and teaching me so many valuable lessons. :) YOU ARE A KEEPER AND I AM KEEPING YOU!
I am also thankful for my family. A year ago when I came back, they had such subtle, yet distinctive change that I was a little taken aback. But it's okay, I think we've changed together and everything made sense after a while. :)
So yeah... I can't rmb much stuffs at the moment. Memory has been failing a lot lately.
Have a great December everyone!
Stay healthy and lets work hard for 2013! :))
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