our 20th month.

cool breeze now.. it would probably rain, and everyone can have a nice sleep tonight. sometimes, all you need is space, a place and you can sit down and think. appreciate everything around you, listen to things you don't normally hear.. even the whirring sound coming out from my CPU.







So many things have happened in such a short period, at such a fast pace. Isn't it?







I used to remember all the tiny details. I used to remember many things, and to my horror sometimes even my friends' addresses and ic number. I don't know why, I just have some affinity for telephone numbers and those important identifications. I used to get scolded and laughed at for my weird kind of memory. Now I can't remember anymore, even if I want to.







Have you ever just sat down, and suddenly you just thought of how life would be like now if this this this happened in the past instead?


If this this this combined with that that that, what would happen actually?

Would it affect your life now, would you still be sitting down there like this?




Looking back at things never fails to make me really THINK and sometimes, regret. It makes me really depressed, and probably because of that I spend too much time making decisions all the time cause I don't want to take a step that I'll regret.


I usually end up being known as indecisive instead.



Sometimes I wonder if I would be happier if I was closer to my parents. If I have made the effort to be close to them would I be happier at home? Instead I became afraid that the closer I become with them, the differences we have would bring us further instead.



And with my well known bad luck, the latter would happen I guess.. SO maybe things are meant to be, are meant to be. I shouldn't be thinking about stuffs like that which has no answers, cause I will eventually end up at square one.




I hope my fishes survive. It's a weird feeling, suddenly just caring for my fishes when I know in the end, I'd be the one freezing them to death and then grinding, blending them up.


Maybe they know.
That's why they are dying on us?



It's cruel.