TIRED

you know early morning(late-night) are times where you really blog out all the puny stuffs that's sticking out of your life.

like the leaves of the cactus plant.


I can't help but think of how much i've changed over the years
(while studying for LMBS test)

But the changes i see,
doesn't seem any difference to people around me.
which makes me think,
have i really changed?

Of course, changes need not necessarily be bad.
changing for the better, is good, isn't it?

But i don't seem to know what is good, what is for the better, anymore.


Learning to bend the rules,
is it a good thing?

bending the rules will really make life so much easier, most of the time.
And what are rules for?!


I used to be following the rules quite deligently.

Afterall, i came to realise what a deciplined
(and really strict) school juying is,

having to still have reading periods,
having to line up to go for assembly,
forbidden to go shopping malls with school uniforms,
having to greet teachers and principals when we pass-by them,
and having made compulsory to wear school socks!



what seemed bad, doesn't appear very much anymore.
i can't be bothered with rules and guidelines.

i skip school,
i don't study,
i take shortcuts.
i try to outsmart my parents and everyone else.
i want everything my way, a way that will make life easier.

i don't even know if they're wrong.
why are they not right?

it makes me wonder why am i studying the quiz,
why is that slip of result more important than you're life.

it makes me wonder if my motivation came from having good results,
or do i really want to study and learn and be educated.

i tried getting a life,
staying away from "get good grades" mind-set
and really enjoy my life
enjoying it with kiong
and really just ENJOY.

what hit us so bad was the fact that,
we really can't get past that result slip.

it wasn't really for us,
it was more for our parents,
more for getting a better pay in the future,
more for a stepping stone to our career,

and then,
came us.

and i hope for the last time,
i'm studying for the sake of good results, which i don't get it anyway..

sigh...
sp. sp. sp...
i wonder what everyone is thinking.
like me?
:(


i miss kiong..
:(